Mario On Ice Is The Most Cursed Thing You'll See Today

There are plenty of cursed treasures to be found in the realm of video games. Tony The Tiger will be making his Twitch debut today, and I sure hope it goes better than the time he was chased off Twitter by horny fans. You may not know that Fall Guys is home to some shockingly cursed lore. Fall Guys lay eggs. How? You’ll have to read the full debrief. Today though, I bring you something so painfully cursed that my neck just receded into my body: Mario on Ice.

Did you know you can now experience Mario Kart in real life? Take a look below.

Reddit user chef_simpson took to the site to share that his friend had uncovered the existence of Super Mario Bros Ice-Capades in a “random vintage magazine,” which is essentially Mario on ice. It’s utterly cursed. Mario and Luigi’s eyes are like a couple of hell portals, Princess Peach has definitely seen things, and I would not want to mess around with those Goombas. You may have noticed the disturbing Bowser (The Super Mario Bros. Super Show version) in our thumbnail. Major James Corden in Cats vibes, am I right?

Super Mario Bros Ice-Capades was actually a TV special that aired in 1989 starring Jason Bateman and Alyssa Milano. The duo are playing Super Mario Bros when suddenly the game stops working, so we see the rest of the tale unfold on ice. It’s all a little bit weird.

Apparently, it involved a kid from the audience giving Luigi a flamethrower (What?!) who then used said flamethrower to kill his enemies. Bowser then launched his own attack, but a bunch of kids went after Bowser using plumbing tools restoring peace in the Mushroom Kingdom. What an utterly wild thing to go and watch.