This Stranger Things Sex Toy Will Haunt My Nightmares For Years

It's a rule of life that the biggest TV shows must produce roughly several thousand tons of crappy merch in an attempt to cash in on their popularity while they can.

From Doctor Who cookbooks to Coronation Street bedsheets adorned with Gail Platt's face, there is absolutely no quality filter when it comes to merchandising opportunities. And of course, the hit Netflix series Stranger Things is no exception.

Take a look at Stranger Things 4 in action below!

I'm sure most of you have a vague of idea of what Fleshlight is, even if you'd never publicly admit to it. For those who don't know (or simply insist on maintaining the illusion that they don't) Fleshlight is a brand that creates a series of sex toys designed to simulate vaginal, anal, and oral sex. I'm sure you're starting to see where I'm going with this, and how it ties into Stranger Things.

Over on the official Fleshlight Twitter account (there's a sentence I never thought I'd write), the company shared a horrifying mockup of a branded Stranger Things Fleshlight that finally answers the age-old question: what would it be like to stick my penis into a Demogorgan's mouth?

As you can see below, this particular Fleshlight would only be for the bravest willies out there.

welcome to the upside down #StrangerThings pic.twitter.com/e3Mw7KNAPL

— fleshlight (@Fleshlight) May 27, 2022

As unsettling as this is, we can at least take a certain comfort in knowing that it's just a mock-up, and absolutely not an official product. We can't imagine Netflix would be willing to lend the Stranger Things IP out to Fleshlight for something like this. Then again, looking at the numbers on the original tweet, there's an awful chance it might actually sell well.

I'm going to live my life pretending that's not true, though.